Themes for 2024

We've been making some new friends (and setting some new intentions) for the new year.

Photo by: Hao Nguyen

Last week, we jumped on a video chat with our Founding Members to ring in the new year. Setting personal “resolutions” can sometimes fall short (as they can feel so grandiose and intimidating!), so we figured it would be nice to carve out the time and space to review our personal goals as a group.

Sometimes it’s scary to set “new years resolutions” because of the shame that comes with breaking them. But rebranding resolutions as “themes” somehow feels more flexible than a concrete listical ft. items that can be checked off. “Themes” feel like a work in progress: they’re hopes and ambitions set with INTENTION, with no looming due date!

When Jenn and I started Friends Forever, we wanted to carve out a space on the internet to celebrate our friendship. But we also wanted to find a way to open the conversation up to others as well. It’s been such a privilege to get to know our Founding Members, and it was so inspiring to hear them share their themes for the new year with emotion, spirit, and vigour.

We’re excited for what’s to come this year, and also thrilled to share these inspiring words from the powerful and bright individuals that are part of our community <3

"Challenging my scarcity deficit mindset / Remembering to ask for help."

Sophie:

I have a scarcity deficit mindset. I'm always trying to save money or not get ripped off or not waste anything [when it comes to time, money, whatever.] There's so many different factors that play into this mindset, like being a woman, being a minority, and being the child of immigrants. 

[Having a scarcity mindset] has dictated all of my decisions and behaviors in life – little things and also big things. I’m really trying to tackle it, but it has such a pervasive hold on me. Because this was such a big part of my upbringing, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to completely be rid of it. But now that I'm much more aware of it, I’m optimistic about not having it dictate everything in my life moving forward.

Secondly, I have realized that I'm someone who never asks for help. When I do have to ask for help, I feel like I'm burdening people or I feel ashamed, or I feel like every favor is a trade off…like I have to offer something in exchange. Even little favors make me so uncomfortable…I never ask anyone for any kind of big favor. 

I often use the excuse of, “I don't know who to ask for help. I don't have that source of help in my life.” So another part of this is to find [and invest in] the resources that can help me, whether those be people or professional mental health services, and then ask them for help. Starting therapy has been huge for me, as I could have never imagined making such a huge financial and time investment in the past.

On a smaller scale, I just bought a template on Etsy for my resume design. In the past, I would have been like, “No, that's just a waste of $8. I can just Google image search and then take the pieces that I like and do it myself.” That is truly the level at which I cannot ask for and receive help, [and my scarcity deficit mindset is deeply tied to this]. 2024 is about actively working on these things.

”Making more time for myself.”

Jen / @lunchbag:

“I moved to LA a year ago with an existing group of friends. At the beginning, I wanted to see them all the time. But that meant I was living their [version of] LA – not mine.

I'm super flexible with my schedule and my work, so I was always bending over backwards to make their plans work. It's like “Oh, do you want to get lunch? I can drive out 30 minutes to you whenever you have time”, and stuff like that. 

Towards the end of 2023, I just started to feel like…even though I was living in LA, I wasn’t really IN it. I never took the time to explore it for myself. So this year, I am resolving to make more time for myself and discover who I am within the city. 

Exploring every city [that you're in], helps you discover more of who you are because of what that city has to offer. Some things that I'm doing [to help me get better acclimated] is signing up for some cooking classes on my own. It would be cool if I could meet some people there, but ultimately I'm happy to learn a new skill. I also just signed up for my first half marathon, and so that is a little scary, but I'm going to start training for that. I’m also resolving to read more books! I think this is all really exciting, because when I make more space and time for myself, I become more pleasant also. I'm headed into 2024 looking to attract more energy, and allowing it to compound in all the good ways.”

”Stay in a positive mindset, go with the flow, and enjoy the present.”

Nicole:

I was recently laid off, and I've been applying to a lot of jobs. And all the rejections that come along with this, kind of hurts a little bit. So I'm trying to go with the flow more often and remember that if it's meant to be, it won't pass me by. 

I don't know if y'all are job searching too, but it's still tough out there. I just want to go be more present and just not be so anxious about the future because I know things will end up working out in the end.

In my spare time, I’ve been cat sitting for a friend, and babysitting a little more. I used to be a teacher when I was younger, so when I left my teaching job, I gave some of the parents my phone number if they ever wanted a babysitter. Those families have referred me to other families and it’s been very nice getting to know the kids and spend time with them. Even though [this is technically] work, it doesn't really feel like a job because I love it. The money doesn't matter to me. I'm just happy to be there and get to spend time with the kids. They always make me happy, and they always make me laugh.

”Healing the past / knitting a cable sweater.”

Eunice:

I have the goal of knitting a cable sweater at some point this year. The inspiration for this specific goal is rooted in a lot of memories I've collected over the years. There are several moments in time – middle school, high school, college, and my twenties – when I thought that I had to get a certain brand of clothing to signal to the world that I'm cool. An emblematic memory is when I started middle school. I had just moved from Korea back to America. I was born in the States, and was returning after living in Korea for a few years, so I felt that fitting back in wouldn’t be a problem. I must have missed a memo though because, during a bathroom break, I noticed that two girls were wearing the same brand of jeans. Then, I hyper-focused on what I was wearing - my mom’s khakis. In that moment, my adolescent mind inflated this discrete observation into the sweeping conclusion that all the girls in my school must be wearing the cool jeans and I was the only one not. I felt like the weirdest person in the world that day. 

By making my own sweater, I want to declare to myself: hey, it's about what I like - the fit, colors and textures that I like. When I say it out loud, it feels kind of silly, but it means a lot to me. It’s my way of strengthening my inner voice, and being more in touch with my own life force.

”Live for the future, not the past / take care of myself.”

Jenny / @obihighkenobi:

I bought a really small house in 2021. It's not 300 square feet, but it is less than a thousand, so it's small. When I bought it, I said “okay, I'm going to downsize”. I figured if I forced myself to into small house, I would have to get rid of things to live in it. But I’ve learned you can actually just pile things up everywhere and a lot of things fit anyway.

So now, I just live in a cluster of mess. And a lot of that mess is tied to the loss of an ex-partner, who passed away [shortly after I left him]. I couldn't stay in an abusive, really bad situation like that. I couldn't keep giving up my life for somebody. But still, my house became a museum of everything I've ever owned.

I’m getting to a place where I'm realizing and accepting that memories don't live in things they live in your heart or your brain. I still had his juice boxes still in my fridge. So this year I'm just really trying to work on getting rid of things, and continue giving myself grace and permission to be where I am.

I've led a very successful life so far, and I feel like I've lived a million lifetimes already. I'm very grateful for everything. But [with everything that has happened] I just stopped living. I THOUGHT I was living. I was like, “Oh no, I'm living. I'm doing it.” But looking back, I really wasn't compared to how I've lived my life otherwise.

I have started cooking again and I've considered joining pottery, but right now I’m figuring out how to create habits and leave my house. I'm trying to incorporate more of a morning routine and even an evening routine, making sure I do more meditation, journaling, moving my body, playing with my dogs in the agility course in my backyard. I feel like stepping into more of myself, and reminding myself that I CAN [do that for myself].

“Listening to my gut / getting my biology right”.

Jenn / @imjennim:

When I read my journal entries from last year, the biggest demon in my life was procrastination. I’ll get things done, but I’m dragging my feet the entire time. When I procrastinate, I know “just doing it” would be way easier than spending time [and energy] dreading it. But still, I’ll end up doing things that are low hanging fruit first. 

One of the curses of working for yourself is you get to decide the deadlines. In the past, I was definitely more of a woman of my word. If I said I was going to do it, I would freaking do it. But sometimes this would come at a cost because I would say yes to a lot of things even though I knew in my gut I didn’t want to. 

[All of this compounded] was a sign for me to really take a beat before I say yes to something. Because if it's not a “hell yes”, my mind's not going to change once it's due. So if anything, I want to be more committed to the things that I say yes to, but really make sure my “yes” feels absolute. 

For example, let's say it's a brand deal. If I don't want to do it, then chances are I'm not going to want to do it in three weeks. Or perhaps it's an acquaintance that wants to get lunch with me, and I don't *reallly* want to see this person. My mind's not going to change in three weeks when that lunch rolls around.

So in 2024, I’m going to allow myself to listen to my gut and my intuition, and do whatever necessary to make that inner voice be more clear, be more loud. Part of this is getting my biology right. This includes: exercise, getting 7-10 hours of sleep, and limiting caffeine. It's just the basics. Once I get that tuned, everything else just kind of falls into place and becomes easier.

”Loosening my grip and being okay with the in-between.”

Dani / @daniesque

I'm in the season of having fun. Throughout my twenties, I lived and died by this “hustle hard” mentality. I girl bossed myself to the point of burn out. I’m 32 now, and while I’m very much appreciative for what I've accomplished and who I've met along the way, I’m now trying to focus on finding the time and space to invest in myself and discover what brings me joy.

This year, I want to loosen my grip on all the things that I believed that I needed to be. I want to allow myself to be a lot freer [in terms of hobbies or things that diverge from what I've done in the past]. While I still need to make money (and still have responsibilities), I want to explore and move away from the rigid box I used to place myself in. 

I'm a Scorpio, and I can be very intense. I don't really know what middle ground is. I'm either obsessed or I'm indifferent. So in a lot of things I take on, whether that's work, a game, etc, I'm alway committed to doing THE most. I hope this year I’ll be able to sit back and enjoy things and let them be instead of trying to turn them into something way more intense. For instance…just because I like playing Catan, I don’t need to practice every day with the goal of joining a Catan league.

Happy 2024!

With love from Jenn, Dani, and the Friends Forever Founding Members <3